the gauntlet thrown down with a blatant copyline blag from a 97 london race; i wished, prayed, sold my soul in the vain attempt that we'd have a few more competitors than the last race. how wrong was I
maybe it was the last race - approx. 40kms, back and forth across the city for what must have seemed like an eternity, maybe it was a late-ish start on a sunday morning or the fact that glory were playing their last match of the season at home; or maybe more of perth's cycle messengers' cross-dress at home than would like to admit? who knows? who cares?
for the seven that finally showed, it didn't matter.
flavio, mike, jav, rohan, angus, byron and adrian (the last three in sequinned boob-tubed/ funfur miniskirted creations a la mel) - we salute you
after making sure every competitor had locked their bike, each was issued with a can of 1857 beer. cheap, weak and warm. (just for anyone reading this outside of aus., australians don't like warm beer. at all). making sure they didn't drink the warm brews, we told them to get down to the observation lookout, whilst we stuck postcards into their wheel spokes - the cards having the address of the first checkpoint.
before setting them loose, a brief explanation of the race was given
"within ninety minutes, you must go to five checkpoints in sequential order. at each checkpoint you will be given the address of the next checkpoint and five questions that, if answered correctly, will award you bonus points. you will receive ten points for visiting each checkpoint and a further five points for each bonus question. bear in mind the winner will be the rider with the most amount of points, not necessarily the rider who comes in first. if we get a tie on points, the fastest time will count."
at this point slack boy rohan graces us with his presence, hangover et al, giving us a chance to repeat the race instructions. if we'd confused them the first time, we could only bewilder them the second time around.
at this point, the drone of bagpipes started, mingling with the drone of tank engines - a military procession had started on the main exit road of the park; we'd already had to bring the race forward a week because of anzac day - there'd be too many civilians and military parade things going on, only to find a load of military police hanging out in kings park, the race start.
should we postpone, delay, or go for it? ahh, what the hell.
"the first checkpoint is on yer bike!!!"
last minute conferring between with the racers culminated in an orderly scramble to their bikes, a frantic unlocking followed by an almost gentlemanly ride past more men in skirts, only this time it was the queen's own foot and mouth bagpipe fusiliers. well, almost gentlemanly; adrian went haring off on the grass, into the distance, pigtails bouncing and sequins glittering in the sunlight.
the checkpoints:
1 supreme court gardens, city
2 tarts café, lake street, northbridge
3 dna spiral tower, kings park - drink checkpoint - neck your beer and run up the tower!
4 dirty nellee's, shafto lane, city
5 bob's house, east perth
the course was approx. 20kms, but if you answered every bonus question, it'd probably be at least double that; i was lying when i said it would be an easy course.
at this point I'd just like to acknowledge the calgary posse for giving us the idea for the points thing - respect justin et al.
the results:
1. jav - bike it - 160 points - 1hr27min - the crumpler bag
2. angus - team punani - 155 points - 1hr23min - $50
2. byron - team punani - 155 points - 1hr23min - $50 (first girl?)
4. adrian - team punani - 145 points - 1hr23min - $25
5. flavio - bring - 105 points - 1hr14min - $15
6. mike - t+c - 105 points - 1hr17min - $10
dfl. rohan, slack - 100 points - 1hr15min - cheap strip club admission
since very few turned up, we could reward all our heroes with a prize of some description both financial and sort-of bike related, so it all turned out rosy at the end.
shock result from jav - three minutes to spare - visited every checkpoint, attempted every question; (the wednesday following the race, jav had an altercation with a motor vehicle - get well soon)
team punani worked as a ruthless drag machine, splitting up to answer as many questions as possible and meeting at the next checkpoint - but ladies please make sure all your team members get the same answer; adrian should have tied second with you.
flavio - don't tell me you got missed by a train again. ever
mike - beer shampoo ain't that great for your hair.
rohan - what can we say? you're king of slack.
after the prize giving, we kinda had a bbq and drank beer and talked the usual rubbish and chilled out in the sun. it was a good race, a perfect afternoon, but you had to be there to appreciate it.
thank you's go to:
marshals - claudia; steven/steph/sven; troy, dave and sarah; kylie and kenny
extreme - thanks to steve and andy for your most generous financial contributions
porters - cheers to shaun, and his most splendid carton of coopers ale, post race refreshment
bastard - for the wheel truing prize
snapshot - for the flyers and photos
crumpler - ta very much mister disco stu for your most wonderful bags
bob and nasty's final alleycat will be soon - we'll let you know where and when.
there will be two more races - an all comers alleycat and a series winners race on the same night, with a custom silver timbuk2 courier bag up for grabs. eligible racers will be made up of past winners, or in their absence past racers with the highest cumulative points score.