By the time I got to the Duke, I was cold, wet, hungry and tired. Did I want to race? Did I fuck! The unfortunate thing was that, once again, I had dug a big hole for myself with my mouth. The last time that a London Alleycat had been cancelled due to rain, I had publicly called all the refusenik riders, light-weights, jessies, young ladies clothing etc in many different public forums. So clearly, if I was to back out of this one, I would never ever ever be allowed to forget it, and news of my weakness would doubtless reach other messenger communities around the globe within hours. Faced with a stark choice between international ridicule and 45 minutes in the rain, I took the easy option. But I wasn't going to take off my waterproof.
Other competitors were soon found, including two Actus riders who had come from Bristol to specially to race, no doubt enticed by the very generous prizes offered by Action Bikes, and soon 18 of us were huddled together, shivering in Warner Yard. And off we went to Cherry Tree Walk EC1. The talk that I had heard in the pub of 'taking it easy' 'not chancing it' etc was washed away as the riders streamed up Old St. When I found the second check point, Pear Tree Lane E1, in my book (it's at the end of the Highway), I remember saying aloud the word 'bastards'. The pack had split up a bit but as we hit the police checkpoint on Bishopsgate (after a brief excursion up a blind alley near Spitalfields) we were in a large group to cause the officer to mistake us for a gang of terrorists and flag us down. The leading rider sold him a brilliant dummy, a top drawer body swerve straight from the Pele scrap-book, evading the constable's desperate lunge to his right and with the door open, the rest charged past on his left.
The pack began to break up some more under the pressure exerted by the leading two, and some Creative riders had to stop to staunch nose bleeds. At the second checkpoint, the riders were nicely spread for a full pelt run down the river to Apple Tree Yard SW1 (off Jermyn St, you muppets). A lead group of three began to pull away from the rest, with the chasers, including Josh from Actus manfully threshing his fixed like a food blender, vainly reaching alleged speeds of over 30 mph.
A bit more police activity in St James Sq caused consternation in the peloton as they knocked back the tequila and headed to Pear St SE1 (beginning to get the connection?) with now only two leaders. On the way back across the bridge to Grape St WC2 the leaders began to fox and feint, allowing a fast closing Wingnut to catch them. Stopping only for a brief altercation with some spectators, the leaders flew across Farringdon Road to Peartree Court EC1, where Wingnut took the win under the eyes of the TV cameras.
Ride of the night: the Actus boys. Best females: Crissi and Anita who both punctured and still finished.
Results
Wingnut - Docket Daddy
Paul - Creative
BB - Team PDQ
Nelly - Docket Daddy
Nixon - Team PDQ
Gertie - AZ
Josh - Actus
Sputnik - Docket Dummy
Tom - Actus
Andrew - Pink
Dave - AZ
Matt - Team Smoke
Crissi - Call Girls International
Anita - Call Girls International
DNF
James - Clockwork
Laurent - Premier
Gavin - Docket Daddy
Brad - Creative